Showing posts tagged convos

I've only seen girls in the new pink Brimper shirts

  • Me: Get one. You can wear one.
  • Bestie: I can't wear pink.
  • Me: Why?
  • Bestie: Makes me look like my own dick.
Only four more days until I’m in NYC and spending time with this lovely woman.

Only four more days until I’m in NYC and spending time with this lovely woman.

Lauren’s phone autocorrected Kim Kardashian to Kim jars ashcan. It’s the best.

Lauren’s phone autocorrected Kim Kardashian to Kim jars ashcan. It’s the best.

My dad only has two fingers on his right hand

  • Dad: I can't find my gloves and I just got them.
  • Me: Do you just cut the fingers off that you don't use?
  • Dad: No, I tuck them in.
  • Me: Really?!? I always thought you cut them off and sewed it up.
  • Dad: I thought about it, but then I thought 'what if someone needs a pair of gloves' so I just tuck them in.
  • Me: That is SO nice of you.

While listening to episode #51 of Go Bayside

  • Me: That's what I call my vagina.
  • Bestie: Herbert.
  • Me: No. Not Herbert.
  • Bestie: Lol
  • Me: Lol Woo Machine. My Woo Machine.
  • Me (reading a line from Bigfoot erotica): "From within the tufts of matted hair, the creature released a huge pale cock that defied logic."
  • Bestie: You can write erotica, and you can write Bigfoot erotica, but you're a shitty writer if you just lean on "defies logic" to finish your description. You're aping people who use the term appropriately. Yeah, I said ape-ing, talking about your Bigfoot porn text. Was it an M.C. Escher cock? That's the only way you can use that.
  • Me: M.C. Escher cock is my new favorite thing.
  • Bestie: It defies logic.
20 years of friendship.

20 years of friendship.

After reading what Chip Zdarsky calls his fans in his Comics Alliance interview

  • Him: INCORRECT
  • Me: What are Chip's fans called?
  • Him: Dips
  • Me: Why Dips?
  • Him: Chip's Dips

My 79 year old aunt needed help with the crossword puzzle

  • Aunt: Sir Mix-a-lot likes big ones.
  • Me (as I slap my ass): Butts.
  • Aunt: Are you sure?
  • Me: Uh...yeah. He likes big butts and he can NOT lie.

I can think of some other things that are dumb...

  • Sister: What are you eating?
  • Me: Fortune cookie. Wanna know your fortune?
  • Sister: My fortune? That's your fortune.
  • Me: No, it's your fortune.
  • Sister: What? You're the one opening the cookie. That's your fortune.
  • Me: Nope. It's your fortune. Okay, let me read your fortune. Even as the cell is the unit of the organic...
  • Sister: No! I don't even know what that means.
  • Me: Even as the cell is the unit of the organic body, so the family is the unit of society.
  • Sister: I don't understand what that means.
  • Me: Of course you don't.
  • Sister: That's a dumb fortune.
  • Me: Yeah...your fortune is really dumb.
  • Me: I'm a girl so hate fucking isn't an option for me ever.
  • Bestie: You know I never thought about that but you're totally right. Sorry on behalf of the patriarchy.... again.
  • Me: Haha
  • Bestie: Always, all the time lol
  • Me: I want a donut.
  • Bestie: I don't.
  • Me: You donut want one?
  • Bestie: Lol
  • Me: I hate myself LoL

I was telling my best friend about this one time when my step mom met a friend of mine

  • Me: So she asked him where he lived and he said Brooklyn and she says, "Ohh they have horses there. You guys should go horseback riding!"
  • Bestie: Her version of social interaction is a word association game.
  • Me: Oh my god, it is. It REALLY, REALLY is. I never thought about it, but you're absolutely correct and it's hysterical.
  • Bestie: It's like...alien.
  • Me: She's weird.