Showing posts tagged convos
This happened and I love it and I’m proud.

This happened and I love it and I’m proud.

Realizing you have abandonment issues is the bees knees.

Realizing you have abandonment issues is the bees knees.

While listening to the Sawbones podcast about vaccines

  • Me: Lotsa poxes.
  • Bestie: A poxload. Boxes of poxes.
  • Me: Boxes of foxes with poxes.
  • Bestie: In soxes. Xeroxes.
  • Me: HAHA Xeroxes wins.

Why I won't be stripping

  • Me: I can't dance.
  • Bestie: You don't have to. Just twerk.
  • Me: That's dancing. Can't do that either.
  • Bestie: You can. Practice.
  • Me: Practice for what? So I can become a stripper?
  • Bestie: For your pride. Feminism. Take back your ass.

Super inappropriate and just plain rude comment from a birthday party

  • Casual acquaintance: Are you all black?
  • Me: What?
  • Casual acquaintance: You know...like black black.

Scary

  • Bestie: I think i had a dream that I read Rat Queens was cancelled.
  • Me: Yeah - it was a dream...nightmare.

I learned who directed Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

  • Me: Thor Freudenthal. Which is like a fake name, right? Like he is REALLY Thor Odinson, but he doesn't want anyone to know so he's pulling a Marc Spector and directing Hollywood films.
  • Bestie: Haha
  • Me: Oh god I'm a nerd. Haha
  • Bestie: You are.
  • Me: That's terrible.
  • Bestie: Some smelly nerd is gonna love you.
I love that she dreams about me…and I love that this is the dream.

I love that she dreams about me…and I love that this is the dream.

I've only seen girls in the new pink Brimper shirts

  • Me: Get one. You can wear one.
  • Bestie: I can't wear pink.
  • Me: Why?
  • Bestie: Makes me look like my own dick.
Only four more days until I’m in NYC and spending time with this lovely woman.

Only four more days until I’m in NYC and spending time with this lovely woman.

Lauren’s phone autocorrected Kim Kardashian to Kim jars ashcan. It’s the best.

Lauren’s phone autocorrected Kim Kardashian to Kim jars ashcan. It’s the best.

My dad only has two fingers on his right hand

  • Dad: I can't find my gloves and I just got them.
  • Me: Do you just cut the fingers off that you don't use?
  • Dad: No, I tuck them in.
  • Me: Really?!? I always thought you cut them off and sewed it up.
  • Dad: I thought about it, but then I thought 'what if someone needs a pair of gloves' so I just tuck them in.
  • Me: That is SO nice of you.

While listening to episode #51 of Go Bayside

  • Me: That's what I call my vagina.
  • Bestie: Herbert.
  • Me: No. Not Herbert.
  • Bestie: Lol
  • Me: Lol Woo Machine. My Woo Machine.
  • Me (reading a line from Bigfoot erotica): "From within the tufts of matted hair, the creature released a huge pale cock that defied logic."
  • Bestie: You can write erotica, and you can write Bigfoot erotica, but you're a shitty writer if you just lean on "defies logic" to finish your description. You're aping people who use the term appropriately. Yeah, I said ape-ing, talking about your Bigfoot porn text. Was it an M.C. Escher cock? That's the only way you can use that.
  • Me: M.C. Escher cock is my new favorite thing.
  • Bestie: It defies logic.
20 years of friendship.

20 years of friendship.