Showing posts tagged convos
I’m not sure what connection my brain made here.

I’m not sure what connection my brain made here.

  • Me: Is that why people won't invite us places?
  • Bestie: People don't invite us places because we will say no.
  • Me: Truth.

9am my father called…

Dad: I called because I woke up at 4am and I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I had a Tootsie Pop and counted how many licks it took to get to the center.
Me (laughing): Oh…okay. How many licks did it take?
Dad: 196.
Me: Well did you lick it or suck it?
Dad: I sucked it.
Me: That doesn’t count.
Dad: THAT’S WHAT YOUR SISTER SAID!!
Me: Sorry, dad, it doesn’t. But I do love that you decided to do it. Try again tomorrow morning.

This happened and I love it and I’m proud.

This happened and I love it and I’m proud.

Realizing you have abandonment issues is the bees knees.

Realizing you have abandonment issues is the bees knees.

While listening to the Sawbones podcast about vaccines

  • Me: Lotsa poxes.
  • Bestie: A poxload. Boxes of poxes.
  • Me: Boxes of foxes with poxes.
  • Bestie: In soxes. Xeroxes.
  • Me: HAHA Xeroxes wins.

Why I won't be stripping

  • Me: I can't dance.
  • Bestie: You don't have to. Just twerk.
  • Me: That's dancing. Can't do that either.
  • Bestie: You can. Practice.
  • Me: Practice for what? So I can become a stripper?
  • Bestie: For your pride. Feminism. Take back your ass.

Super inappropriate and just plain rude comment from a birthday party

  • Casual acquaintance: Are you all black?
  • Me: What?
  • Casual acquaintance: You know...like black black.

Scary

  • Bestie: I think i had a dream that I read Rat Queens was cancelled.
  • Me: Yeah - it was a dream...nightmare.

I learned who directed Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

  • Me: Thor Freudenthal. Which is like a fake name, right? Like he is REALLY Thor Odinson, but he doesn't want anyone to know so he's pulling a Marc Spector and directing Hollywood films.
  • Bestie: Haha
  • Me: Oh god I'm a nerd. Haha
  • Bestie: You are.
  • Me: That's terrible.
  • Bestie: Some smelly nerd is gonna love you.
I love that she dreams about me…and I love that this is the dream.

I love that she dreams about me…and I love that this is the dream.

I've only seen girls in the new pink Brimper shirts

  • Me: Get one. You can wear one.
  • Bestie: I can't wear pink.
  • Me: Why?
  • Bestie: Makes me look like my own dick.
Only four more days until I’m in NYC and spending time with this lovely woman.

Only four more days until I’m in NYC and spending time with this lovely woman.

Lauren’s phone autocorrected Kim Kardashian to Kim jars ashcan. It’s the best.

Lauren’s phone autocorrected Kim Kardashian to Kim jars ashcan. It’s the best.

My dad only has two fingers on his right hand

  • Dad: I can't find my gloves and I just got them.
  • Me: Do you just cut the fingers off that you don't use?
  • Dad: No, I tuck them in.
  • Me: Really?!? I always thought you cut them off and sewed it up.
  • Dad: I thought about it, but then I thought 'what if someone needs a pair of gloves' so I just tuck them in.
  • Me: That is SO nice of you.